We often tend to look down on masturbation. To consider that auto-eroticism is a pale imitation of sexuality with a partner. Sex with a partner, we find it more natural, more carnal. And what if it was the opposite? And if masturbation was, in fact, the purest form of sexuality? Think about it for two minutes.

Why masturbation might be better than sex

Masturbation releases social pressures of sexual performance. When we masturbate, we have no one to impress. Masturbation can be selfish. One does not have to break one’s head to try to communicate one’s desires in a way that is not offensive or a turn off. We don’t have to adjust to make room for someone else’s desire, slow down or speed up the pace. Masturbation is empowerment. Independence.

When we are hungry, we do not spend hours on our dining table to meet someone with whom to share a meal: we open our fridge and we make a sandwich. When we want to pee, we do not put our coolest clothes to go line up in the phosphorescent toilet bar: we stay in pajamas and we use our toilet at home. We are great individuals, we can wipe ourselves alone.

In the non-sexual spheres of our lives, when we have purely biological needs, we do not hesitate to remedy them much more effectively than asking someone else to manage them with us.

Why do we insist on generating relationships with others when it comes to sexuality? Sex between two people requires social skills: tact, emotional intelligence, seduction, and so on. And then, we run the risk of being rejected by the other – which is very unpleasant.

It can be completely alienating, sex with your partner

Even if you tell me that you do not bother with such considerations in bed because you are selfish in all circumstances, you do not care about reciprocity and you “masturbate with the bodies of others”, you still have to spend energy first to persuade your partners to let you go.

Why insist on relationships, especially in this technological age where pornography, vibrator and sex robots are readily available to you?

My theory? Because masturbation and sex for two meet completely different needs.

I think masturbation is actually the missing link that explains why you want sex with others. Masturbation is proof that our desire to have sex with a partner is more than just a matter of genitality and impulses and that can be achieved technically by the use of vibrators.

Sex for two is essentially a social activity. And as in any social activity, we will seek the satisfaction of psychosocial needs: self-esteem, attention, exchange, realization, recognition, affection, etc. Not necessarily all of this at a time and in that order. But still, it’s all part of the game.

And then the uncertainty inherent in the two-way relationship, that is to say, never be assured of obtaining satisfaction, because we do not control others as we control our vibrator or our hand, well it makes us completely bend.

Masturbation is not obliged to be the sad companion of sexuality. We can admit once and for all that these two activities are intrinsically different, that we love them each for different reasons, and for masturbation with vibrators? , never mind, it’s  so much the better.